dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
