When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
