He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
