there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize