I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
