im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
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