we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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