its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
