Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
