Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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