is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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