fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
