Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
