we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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