Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
