Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
