we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
