Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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