What a fucking waste of an outfit
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
