the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
