Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
