On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize