So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
