my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
