why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
