I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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