I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
