hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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