The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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