this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
