I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
