I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
