Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Swine flu. Run for my life!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
