My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love having hate sex.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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