the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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