I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
