I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
