Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
