please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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