Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
