haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
