Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
