Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
