I am puke
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
