Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
