Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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