Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
