i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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