MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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