Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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