Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Randomize
