She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
