What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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