Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We are two peas in an std pod
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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