WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
