he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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