He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize