just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
