Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
