I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
