Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
