OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
