I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
