there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i now understand why vodka
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
