I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
