All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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