If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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