Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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