Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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