she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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