Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
