i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
